TK: All through middle and high school I suffered with people pronouncing my name wrong. Some teachers insisted on calling me "TE-ra Kaye" or "TEAR-a Kaye". What is so effin difficult about saying Tara-Kaye? It's not rocket science! It's two of the most simple names held together by a hyphen. My mother could have done so much worse by me and after spending all of elementary to high school in public school I know this for a fact. There are some things you just should not name your daughter, for the sake of sparing her future frustration and everlasting introductions that consist of having to repeat her name 5-6 times. We have complied a list of areas to avoid when naming your babygirl. Please if for nothing else, think of the poor child having to write Bonquiqui on her job applications....
Ash: So mommy gave you a crappy name? No it wasn’t an accident. It’s revenge for making her gain 30 pounds she’ll never lose and selfishly keeping her in labor for 8 hours! Few people realize just how life-altering a name can be. A few letters can mean the difference between toilet bowl swirlys and sleepover invitations. Kids can be cruel but some names are so ridiculous what more can you expect?
1.Cars
Ash: Porsche, Mercedes, Kia, I literally lack the words to properly express my feelings……
TK: WHY??.....WHY??....Do you think by naming her Mercedes she'll go further in life? Will it make her sound more luxurious than other little girls in kindergarten? So Scion and Chevy are also acceptable names for children? Naming your child after an expensive vehicle does not make up for the fact that you were never able to buy nor does it mean that the child is destined for higher quality goods in the future. It just sounds tacky to those who really do drive that car.
2.Nature
TK: Native Americans have their own spiritual and cultural reasons for naming their children after things in nature like Billy Shining-Star and Hawk The-Buffalo-Whisperer, but whats your excuse?
So poor little Moonbeam can only go out with her friends at night time?
And what if you name your baby Sunflower and she grows up to be a badass punk rock chick?....you better sleep with one eye open cuz somebody is gonna be harboring some deep resentment issues.
Ash: Star, Stormy, River, Rain, Winter, Summer, Autumn, I just don’t care how cute your baby is!!!!!!!! It still sounds like a stripper alias and don’t make me start on the dangers of self-fulfilling prophecies.
3.Unisex Names
Ash: Erin, Leslie, Bailey, Corey, Christian, - I support gender equality as much as the next person but there’s something wrong when you can’t tell someone’s sex from their name it really upsets me!
TK: This is more detrimental to boys than it is to girls but I just don't like reading a name like Aiden or Madison and not being quite sure what I'm dealing with.
"Hello may I speak to Mr. Aiden Smith please?"
"That's MISS!"
"Oh.....my bad lady"
4.Names with bad history/Questionable meanings
Ash: Nevaeh, Pandora, Eve, Jezebel- just because you got it from the bible DOES NOT mean it’s a good name. Do you really want to call your child a slut in archaic slang, or name her after the woman who damned all of mankind to a life of sorrow and women to travail in childbirth.
TK: Oh this has got to be the most confusing area for me. What on Gods green earth would possess you to name your baby Nevaeh, talkin bout,
"oh i think its cute because its heaven spelled backwards"
I'm sorry but my reasoning tells me that the meaning of heaven backwards is hell.....just let that marinate.
Ash: So mommy gave you a crappy name? No it wasn’t an accident. It’s revenge for making her gain 30 pounds she’ll never lose and selfishly keeping her in labor for 8 hours! Few people realize just how life-altering a name can be. A few letters can mean the difference between toilet bowl swirlys and sleepover invitations. Kids can be cruel but some names are so ridiculous what more can you expect?
1.Cars
Ash: Porsche, Mercedes, Kia, I literally lack the words to properly express my feelings……
TK: WHY??.....WHY??....Do you think by naming her Mercedes she'll go further in life? Will it make her sound more luxurious than other little girls in kindergarten? So Scion and Chevy are also acceptable names for children? Naming your child after an expensive vehicle does not make up for the fact that you were never able to buy nor does it mean that the child is destined for higher quality goods in the future. It just sounds tacky to those who really do drive that car.
2.Nature
TK: Native Americans have their own spiritual and cultural reasons for naming their children after things in nature like Billy Shining-Star and Hawk The-Buffalo-Whisperer, but whats your excuse?
So poor little Moonbeam can only go out with her friends at night time?
And what if you name your baby Sunflower and she grows up to be a badass punk rock chick?....you better sleep with one eye open cuz somebody is gonna be harboring some deep resentment issues.
Ash: Star, Stormy, River, Rain, Winter, Summer, Autumn, I just don’t care how cute your baby is!!!!!!!! It still sounds like a stripper alias and don’t make me start on the dangers of self-fulfilling prophecies.
3.Unisex Names
Ash: Erin, Leslie, Bailey, Corey, Christian, - I support gender equality as much as the next person but there’s something wrong when you can’t tell someone’s sex from their name it really upsets me!
TK: This is more detrimental to boys than it is to girls but I just don't like reading a name like Aiden or Madison and not being quite sure what I'm dealing with.
"Hello may I speak to Mr. Aiden Smith please?"
"That's MISS!"
"Oh.....my bad lady"
4.Names with bad history/Questionable meanings
Ash: Nevaeh, Pandora, Eve, Jezebel- just because you got it from the bible DOES NOT mean it’s a good name. Do you really want to call your child a slut in archaic slang, or name her after the woman who damned all of mankind to a life of sorrow and women to travail in childbirth.
TK: Oh this has got to be the most confusing area for me. What on Gods green earth would possess you to name your baby Nevaeh, talkin bout,
"oh i think its cute because its heaven spelled backwards"
I'm sorry but my reasoning tells me that the meaning of heaven backwards is hell.....just let that marinate.
Ok fine lets say u thought that was a cute idea, what made you think the name Pandora was cute? You mean the oh so genius woman who according to Greeks unleashed all the evils onto the world cuz she was being nosey and opened a box she had no business touching?
And don't even get me started on Jezebel....
"oh but the bible said she was so beautiful and popular".
Uh-huh the bible also said she was a whore and she was thrown off a balcony to her death.....just sayin.
5.Hood Names
TK: I won't even devote too much time to this. A hood name is not the same as a name which holds some cultural basis like Kunta or Matumbo which can be traced back to their african roots. I'm talkin bout foolishness like Shalaqueisha, Quavantay, and lets not forget everyones favorite Bonquiqui....Just don't do it. Please leave your child some pride when they walk into a corporate setting.
Ash: Bonquesha- have you ever actually met a Bonquesha? Sadly, I’ve met 3. Why is it impossible to find a classy Raquesha? And although there’s no lack of creativity I’m positive under Florida law it qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.
6.Virtues/Characteristics
Ash: Chasity, Temprence, Prudence, I don’t know why but it seems children with these names always go above and beyond to completely lack qualities they’re named for.
TK: Ok I'm not too mad at names like Hope and Faith they're a little cliche' but not bad names. But when you start naming little girls Chastity and Benevolence, now you just setting your self up for disappointment. If you name that little girl Chastity and she turns into the biggest JEZEBEL in town you are going to be upset! Not to mention it's gonna be like the best joke ever at your church :)
7.Continents/Cities/States
TK: I don't quite grasp the concept of naming your child after your favorite destination; Paris, Asia.....just tacky.
Ash: Austin, Dallas, Georgia, Chyna, Asia- I’m sorry but the fact that you put a Y in China doesn’t make you cute and original in fact I have half a mind to kick your behind into the hood section.
8.Liquors
Ash: Chardonnay, Alize, Ginny (sigh….) just don’t do it.
TK: Talk about getting the wrong start in life. Naming her Chardonnay will not make her a supermodel on the runways of Paris. We're lookin more along the lines of a stripper on a pole at The Ass Shack.
9.Parental Combos
TK: LMAO! Could you be anymore conceited? Gerald-Anne, Leslie-Ray, Bobbie-Sue......PFFT!!! So wrong on so many levels.
Ash: Craigrita, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! As a parent how lazy can you be?
10.Old Time Names
TK: There are just some names that traditionally come with a mental image; like Bertha. Anytime I hear that name I imagine some big unattractive woman in a raggedy house dress with food stains on the front.
Ash: Gertrude, Bertha, These are really the type of things you’d call your retarded cow your too busy put down
*Honorable Mentions
TK: It is not cute to name your kids stuff like Pilot, Pixie Dot and Lullabelle just cuz you got a lil money. I can't get behind that madness
Ash: Renesmee- nothing but a hot foolywang mess! STOP IT!
One of my roomates was named Cherish...thats one for number 6
ReplyDeleteThis is Tatiana btw (ashley's friend)