Saturday, February 12, 2011

College Love Equation

Ash: I came to college so certain I would immediately find my soul mate that rainbows and butterfly's practically shot out of eyes every time some moderately cute boy walked by. Of course I was quickly disillusioned. Since then my standards have risen but I was delighted to find that TK and I agreed 100% on what characteristics make the ideal boyfriend. We made this equation to explain why two attractive, intelligent, fun (but slightly crazy) young women could possibly be single in an area simply crawling with men. 
TK: 2 years ago Ash and I made an equation to calculate our chances of finding a permanent man at USF. Ladies you're more than welcome to use this equation just adjust it to your school statistics and personal preferences,

there are approximately 50,000 students at USF

57% of those people are women, leaving us with 21,500 potential men

as much as I love children I cannot deal with babymamas; so those men with children have got to go, say goodbye to another 5% leaving us with 20,425

and if there's one thing I hate more than a babymama its a wife! So married men, those in a committed relationship and homosexuals are also out (i refuse to be the side piece...NOT AN OPTION), there goes another 35%, so now we're down to 13,277.

maybe some of you can deal with smoking but I'll be damned if you hug me and have me choking on stale cigarette OR weed smoke; nor can you ride in my car, sit on any of my furniture or talk too close to me when the wind is blowing in my direction, so there goes another 37%, we're looking at 8,365

now whomever I choose must be eligible to go home and meet my mother, stereotypically this eliminates most frat boys, heavy drinkers and those over the age of 30, that's a good 25%, sadly we are already down to 6,274

now this where it gets complicated, I myself am not a tall woman, on a good day I'm 5'3  
                                     *LIES! cough 5'1 cough* -Ash

but I do enjoy a nice stiletto every now and then so anyone under 5'4 is UNACCEPTABLE! Judging from my 3 years on USF campus i would estimate that I need to eliminate about 20% of whats left, giving me 5,020
        *please note that when she says 'a nice stiletto' she means a 5 to 6 inch stripper heel which doubles as a shiv and that she brazenly calls church shoes* -Ash

since I'm a christian I plan to marry one as well, I'm not gonna have my mama boycotting my wedding wearing a potato sack and holding a picket sign or have my children walkin round all confused on what holidays pertain to them and who to pray to, so now I have to guesstimate how many are regular church goers and PRACTICING the faith ( not just saying that they are). taking into consideration that my list would still contain those of the muslim, jewish and buddhist faiths etc. (all of whom I love) I would cut about 50% of the potentials left, we're down to 2,510.


that's actually not a bad number however; now we're down to the big one. most christians know about abstaining until marriage but not many follow it ESPECIALLY the men. I plan to follow this so whoever I'm with has to as well....So you know what that means. I estimate that number to be about 85% of the remainder (and thats being nice about it)

Leaving us with a whopping grand total of 377 men, from which I need to find one I feel is attractive, and according to my friends my standards for looks are a "lil" high.

The days of women finding their potential husband in college are gone. The outlook is very grim...

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