Unmasking the Dirty Truths Hidden in Nursery Rhymes

Ring a ring o' roses,

A pocketful of posies,

Ashes, ashes,

We all fall down

          

    Ash: I’m sorry but children dancing and singing about the bubonic plague is creepy.  You did know it’s about the black plague… right?  Well  the 1^st line talks about one of the symptoms a circular red rash. The second talks about the flowers people carried to ward off the bad smells which they thought  caused the disease. And Ashes Ashes refers to the cremation of the bodies.  Now I understand it’s the 14^th century and kids are bored because their friends are all dead/dying and they don’t have any video games but what inconsiderate freak decides to sing about a freaking plague? Not cool dude…..Not cool.

     TK: What I really want to know is who choreographed the dance for this death march? I know bubonic plague had to have been hella contagious and what do these fools do? Hold hands and dance in a circle. If that eint the epitome of infection and cross contamination I dont know what is. Just one big ol' self fulfilling prophecy- first lets hold hands to make sure we all get the disease, then lets sing and dance about the inevitable symptoms and finally lets finish it up with describing our death "ashes, ashes, we all fall down".....*side eye*

Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey;

There came a big spider

And sat down beside her,

And frightened Miss Muffet away.

                                      

    Ash: I’ll be different and bypass the obvious questions like what in the world a tuffet is…. Truly with a name like Muffet her life is already going to be hell, and that’s why she’s in the wilderness. On a tuffet (seriously wtf?). With no friends. (Plz refer to our last post on the Top Ten things not to name your daughter.)  However I was so curious about the line ‘eating her curds and whey’ that I googled it. Ladies and gentlemen I’m proud to tell you that curds and whey are the lumps and liquid of cottage cheese. Yum….. no wonder she doesn’t have any friends. What she really needs is a chicken leg and an economy size bottle of Raid. There problem solved.

    TK:  LMAO!!! *gasping for air*
Poor Miss Muffet, I have concluded that she was suffering for anorexia and low self esteem, why else would this little white girl be sittin all by her lonesome of a tuffet. Do you know what a tuffet is? Its the footstool section of an ottoman. Another sign of low self esteem, she didnt even get to sit on the actual chair, she had to sit and eat of the piece that people use to rest their feet. Usually I hate spiders but something deep in my soul tells me that spider just wanted to be her friend, cuz I know he sure as hell wasn't gonna ask her for some of that nasty a** cottage cheese.
 

Rock-a-bye, baby, on the tree top!

When the wind blows the cradle will rock;

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall;

Down will come baby, bough, cradle and all.

                                 

   Ash: When I mentioned this blog topic (creepy nursery rhymes) to a few friends their reaction was surprising. Everyone suggested Ring around the rosie but NOONE suggested Rock a bye baby which astounded me. I’ve always found this little song disturbing even when I was a child. If I ever build a haunted house with goblins and jack-o-lanterns THIS is the song that will be on repeat. Fine, so some nutjob decides to sing sweetly about her baby falling to his death whatever…. But as a parent do you really want to follow in her dubious footsteps?

     TK: If this eint the most evil nursery rhyme! Which sadistic parent put their baby in a tree top and then put to song exactly how they committed premeditated murder of their own child...DCF!!!

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth without any bread.
She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

                            

 
     TK: this evil heifer! Who told you to be so "friendly" with men; 

now you mad you birthed a football team? Those children didnt 

ask to be born did they? Where is their daddy? So now you feelin 

all frazzled and upset that some good for nothing man left you and 

you take it out on these poor inncoent children? Now you know me, 

I'm all for a good butt whuppin when its been well deserved but THIS? 

The poem said nothing about these children bein ill mannered or hell raisers 

and here she go, not even a little piece of bread to go with that  

bland a** watery soup and to add insult to injury she gives them a whuppin 

to go to bed....where the hell is DCF??

   Ash: Where is the love? ; _ ; But most importantly, what type of shoe was it? Like crappy shoe from payless or a custom made jimmy choo combat boot?

 Doesn't this sound like an eerie foretelling of what could happen to Angelina Jolie or has already happened to Octomom? Its just a matter of time before her small army of children eat her and Brad outta house and home! Did you guys see the Law and Order episode where the villain was loosely based on Angelina? Well in the episode the woman adopts a baby from Africa and accidentally kills it when she's trying to care for it herself. Then she had the nanny bury it and buys a replacement black baby from Shaniqua down the street hoping that no one will notice. Interesting right?

I don't want to go to Mexico
No more, more, more.

There's a big fat policeman
At my door, door, door.

He grabbed me by the collar,
He made me pay a dollar,

I don't want to go to Mexico
No more, more, more.
  
               

   TK: Racism at its finest. This is how we breed little KKK members. So because it's Mexico the policemen are fat extortionists?? Well then dont go back to Mexico I'm sure they don't want your racist a** crossin the border either, but you bet' not eat one more taco, burrito, enchilada and drink not one more shot of tequila the rest of your live long days you ignorant bastard.

Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick.

Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe.

                     

  TK: You know what this tells me? Jack was poor...poor poor Jack! His only form of entertainment was jumping over candlesticks and whats worse is the poor thing didn't even have shoes so he just singeing his toes all willy-nilly...poor poor Jack.

  Ash: As a recovering pyromaniac I understand the urge to play with fire. Simply ask TK, my roommates hid the lighters, matches, and wouldn't even let me light a candle! 

Not that I hold a grudge or anything.... what was I saying?

Right, but any idiot should know if you burn the house down your parents won't do anything nice like give you a whooping! Nope! Instead they'll just tie you to a tree and leave you for the wolves. 

Hickory, dickory, dock!
The mouse ran up the clock;
The clock struck one,
And down he run,
Hickory, dickory, dock!

                   

 
     TK: Now this was brought to my attention by a dear friend of mine "DJ Easy". Why is this person worrying about the time and what made this mouse run back down; shouldn't they be concerned that they got all kind of rodentia living in their house?? That is just plain nastiness, how dirty does your house have to be for you to have mice so brave as to venture out into your home and start running up clocks? I don't think
we should be teaching our children that vermin are acceptable house guests...just sayin.

 
   Ash: Lol leave it to TK to tell it like it is!!